From the Darkness to the Light

Posted: Wednesday, 20 June, 2012 by deacongray in Articles of Interest, Community Announcements, Community Articles, Uncategorized

Many people live their life in the bright light of day while hiding something that is chilling, frightening under a mask of normalcy.  Whether you grew up in a wealthy gated community, a typical suburb or the inner-city, bad things happen in dark corners. There are all manner of sins happening right next door, or in some cases between in the walls where we ourselves dwell every day.

Perhaps the reason why some people end up in fringe groups, including the vampire community, is to escape this façade or perhaps to make sense of it. Disci Moonwraith [a false name] is one of those people, one who found her way into our little corner of the world only to find that monsters lurk here too.

GYP: Disci, will you tell us a little about yourself?

Disci: I am a twenty four year old female from the north eastern United States, more than that would be saying too much and as we agreed I really don’t want the publicity of giving out too much information. Though I suppose that isn’t really what you had in mind with the question.

I suppose I should say, to help place all this in context, that I was your typical all American on the outside. I grew up without much material need, my stomach was full, I had a mother that read me bed time stories, and father that was the image of a man in nearly every way. It is easy enough to say I loved them both, but much harder to explain just how much, though I think many will understand without much further explanation. To put it simply, mine was a good life until my father passed away and that left a hole in my life, a hole that eventually lead me to where I am now.

GYP: I think when most people look at the Vampire Community they see a place where all the people involved are products of broken homes, or mental illness, but it sounds like you are pretty stable.

Disci: Thank you. I would be lying if I said everything has always, or is always a state of serenity.

GYP: I am sorry to ask you to share the details, the real reason you are being interviewed, but rather than prolong it perhaps it is better to simply pull the bandage off quickly?

Disci: Very well. My father passed away when I was around thirteen. The details are not important, but sufficed it say it was an impressionable time in my life. I found myself drifting, I had a hole in my life and with my mother in morning much of what I was doing was obscured by her veil of sorrow. She hardly noticed when I stopped hanging out with my old friends, didn’t bat an eye when my attire changed, and my grades started to slip.

Oh I know you might be picturing someone dressed in gothic attire, but I didn’t go that direction at all. I went more of a spiritual direction, Wicca to start with, but that was just a start.

For a while I tried to convince myself and others that I had found a new spiritual path in my life, from there I slipped into experimental aspects and met my first girlfriend. In an odd way I find it amusing that my father always warned me about unscrupulous men, but it was the more carefree exciting allure of a young lady that drew me into my first sexual experiments. Casey was a great person and she didn’t deserve what I brought to her life. Eventually she couldn’t handle it either. Darkness, the real kind, not that crap from movies seeps out of your soul I think. It infects others and leaves them stained with it. I know I feel stained by it sometimes, though today my Mask is firmly in place, and people see a bright pretty lady with all the things one could hope for in life more or less. But, I am getting ahead of myself.

GYP: When did you meet Matthew? [ also a fake name]

Disci: Aw, I see that my dodging around the subject didn’t last long. I was fifteen, he was much older, thirty two actually and he was-exciting. At the time I thought I had found someone my father would have been proud of. My mother liked him at once, and while she didn’t want him dating me, she did think it was ok for him to be around as a friend, a mentor and role model.

He smiled a lot, laughed and joked. He knew the music I listened too, and what was trending in the world nearly as well as I did. It seemed natural to fall for him, natural enough that I didn’t think twice when I made love to him the first time. He visited me at home, and my mother was bright enough to work out that were we in a romantic relationship, and once again on the surface everything was exactly as it should be.

He was polite and generous, always well dressed and well mannered, charming really. I am not even really sure when things started to go wrong. I know our love-making had become more rough, he left marks, but I wore them proudly, symbols of our love.

He took me places, clubs and concerts, I met his friends and they treated me really well. It was on one such night that he told me that he was part of the Vampire Community. I was intrigued.

Things slipped from rough love-making to “acting out fantasies” which were of course his fantasies. We “played rape” and there were times when I wasn’t playing, but after it was over he held me and called me a good girl. He would kiss my forehead and stroke my hair; it made me feel loved, just as the “play rape” made me feel dirty.

I delved deeper into my spiritualism; he shared articles he found on spiritual vampirism, on sexual vampirism and Eros types. I know it was foolish but I felt that draw so powerfully. It was like waking up and discovering that I wasn’t alone, that I was part of something bigger. I wanted to read everything to know everything about it and Matthew just happened to know some of the people in that community.

He explained to me that while a lot of people talked on yahoo groups, that many of them were fakes. Even I could see that was true. People argued and debated, fought like children about ridiculous stuff. Matthew, however, said he could help me learn, but first I had to be brought into a House.

He asked me if I accepted his authority as an Elder of the community and made it sound all so very dark and inviting. A new family, new friends–all I had to do was agree to allow him to bring me in to it all and swear to be loyal to his demands. I agreed. I shouldn’t have.

It was Halloween, we dressed up, he was in a black suit and cape, I was in a vinyl cat suit that was too small for me. He took me to a house, a place where a party was in full swing and said he wanted to get some drugs for the event. We had done a little pot before, even some “E”, but that night he was after meth. I told him I wanted no part of Meth, and he said that was ok, but that I had to come along, because my initiation was to take place in the same back room.

I remember walking into the room. It was dark and a few guys were standing around looking over leather crafts they were making, it smelled like leather and sweat, it tied me in knots, but I wanted to look cool and collected. I wanted them to like me.

One of them asked if I were ok with what was going to be taking place; If I accepted their conditions. I said that I did. I wanted so badly to be a part of a family again and I think had they simply asked, I would have done it anyway, but they didn’t ask.

 

Matthew grabbed me roughly and held my arms as one of them stuffed a ball gag into my mouth. By the time it was over all of them had their way with me. I was beaten, burned, and taken in nearly every way I could be. Matthew didn’t even look away when one of the guys gave him the small plastic bag of drugs. I didn’t know what to say when I realized I had just been sold sexually for Matthews drugs.

I was sobbing, but he came to me and held my head telling me what a good girl I was. I wish I could say I broke it all off. I wish I could say I ran like hell, or called the police but I didn’t. I stayed with him. He cried later and said he had no idea they would be so rough. I believed him.

He eventually took me to the Vampire House, it wasn’t even the same people but they accepted that I was his childer, and welcomed me. They were kind, and slowly I started to feel like one of them. I was another dark swan in the river of moon light. The wolves were at the shore, but the river swept me along. There is more to tell, there was the poly family I became a part of, the Master who refused to have sex with me because I looked to young, though I swore I was twenty two. Then there was our house Matriarch that forced me to get my GED and endeavor to become a medical assistant so I would have a career to fall back on

I think it would have kept on that way, but two things happened. One Matthew tried to sell me to a Mistress, and Two the Vampire House, saved my ass from becoming a real sexual slave.

The House leader, a very nice lady, found out that I wasn’t twenty two, because of her attempts at getting me into an MA program. That got her digging and it wasn’t long before she found out from a friend that Matthew had been in the process of selling me to a well-known harsh Mistress. It seemed insane, beyond comprehension that someone would try to sell another human being, but that was what he was trying to do.

She broke it all up and sent the rats into flight, then packaged me up and took me back home to my mother. We have remained close, and I don’t think I could have managed to pull myself together if it had not been for her help. She helped me get counseling, she got Matthew arrested for, as it turns out, failing to register as a sexual offender. It seems I was not his first good little girl; Just the easiest.

Today I really am in my twenties and I have managed to become a registered nurse. One of the things I really wanted to do though, before I leave this community forever was to find some of the people whose works I read. Some of them I wanted to chastise, some I wanted to thank.

GYP: I would like to this this is somewhat of an isolated thing. Would you say it is?

Disci: Yes and No. Certainly some aspects of my story are extreme. Yet, I see some of the same things around the community and find myself wondering at them. Poly families where bright people are sucked in by those who could not manage a moment of their own life, but on line play like they are Masters. I see people with broken spirits seeking desperately for love, acceptance and friendships in ways they cannot find in their real lives, and of course people who will take advantage of that desire.

I also see good people too. People like Balthazaar, like Miklya who work hard to help others out, to listen to be friends. I see a lot of good out there, good sincere people.

GYP: Do you have any advice to offer people in the community?

Disci: yes, if you look at the community a means of developing a “Life” you will never really find it. You have to make something of yourself, make a life worthy of you, not accept what passes for a life by allowing yourself to be sucked into things you cannot control. The only thing you can control in any environment or community is yourself.

GYP: Lastly, is there anyone you really look up to the community? Anyone you would like to say a few words too?

Disci: Yes, Mother thank you for seeing past what I had become, and at what I could be. Thank you for taking me home, and thank you for soaking up the tears, though I am sorry about the silk blouse.

 

There are all manner of sins happening right next door, or in some cases between in the walls where we ourselves dwell every day.  In every community there are bad things that happen. But there are good things too—a chance for community redemption.

In our community we have a chance to do the right things, to be compassionate, to be caring and to help those who need a shoulder to cry on.


Deacon Gray

Advertisements
Comments
  1. This is a great interview, Deacon. I am so glad your guest honored us with the truth of her experiences. They aren’t pretty, they aren’t fun; they’re just the truth. I do hope she finds peace as she certainly deserves it!

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s