The Awakening Mind of a Vampire

Posted: Monday, 2 March, 2015 by deacongray in Articles of Interest, Ask the Vampires, Community Articles, Editorials

Oddly enough, I have seen a bazillion different awakening stories and awakening theories, however none of these actually emulated what it was like for me, what I felt nor what I thought, so… As I found a way to express this finally, I thought I would put it here in the hopes that it may one day help someone else…We already know the old cliche that most of us felt… removed… set apart…  different from those around us, but what does that truly mean?

 

For me, it meant that there was a great sense of loneliness, as if I were perpetually trying to fit me, a square peg, into the rest of society, a round hole.  I perpetually felt as if something that had been missing were JUST out of reach…  Seconds away from my grasp and moving away each time I moved towards it…  Making me feel even MORE isolated from those around me…  I truly felt out of step to the point of feeling out of place and time.Among other things I felt, the internal argument of whether this was a curse or a gift began to roil through my heart and mind, as if I were literally on the verge of a civil war with my own being.  I remember thinking “why is this happening to me?  why can’t I just be… normal?” Though I was being taught how to handle things, this argument raged through my mind, ripping at my heart until my whole world was in a tailspin…

 

No matter how intellectual I was, no matter how much I learned, it was as if the words never seemed to be there to properly describe what I was going through…  Words just simply failed to fully illustrate what was raging through the very core of my being. Questions burned through my mind as to whether I was truly going through something or if it were all in my head.  Add to this, the doctors couldn’t seem to find anything other than the usual compliment of things, so there was no true way to know exactly WHAT was happening to me.  No medical/scientific explanation could be readily found.

 

After a couple of botched attempts, followed by laughter, harassment and the usual bullying came a deep, hesitant and always yearning question… “who can I share this with? why doesn’t anyone else feel the way I do?  why isn’t anyone else going through this?”…  Which, in its turn, added to the original sense of loneliness and being set apart…

 

It was becoming a vicious cycle…

 

WHEN I began to truly accept what was going on with me, I began to feel as if I were a new creation wearing a costume…  That costume being the old self…  Same body, different being altogether…  Which became another thing which I couldn’t discuss with anyone…  This did not, however, add to the sensation of loneliness.  Instead, it added something else.  It added a sense of a closeness to my Spiritual Path, though it was truly a separate being altogether.  I began to feel as if what I was going through was part of something…  well… grander…  As if the eyes of the Universe itself had suddenly fallen on me, watching which way I would go with this new-found sense of being part of some grand design…

 

Remember ladies and gentlemen, I was a 13 year old boy going through this…  For me to be set apart to this point was confusing, heart-wrenching and exhilarating all at one time…

 

When I finally accepted that this was what I truly was, it was almost as if this unknown weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  As if everything FINALLY began to make sense…  It has been truly a long and exhilarating journey, once I accepted this IS what I am.

 

I AM vampire.  I WAS born this way.  In this knowledge, no matter who doubts, scoffs or disbelieves, I am strong, secure and comfortable.

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