Posted: Wednesday, 23 November, 2011 by deacongray in Uncategorized

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Oddly enough, I have seen a bazillion different awakening stories and awakening theories, however none of these actually emulated what it was like for me, what I felt nor what I thought, so… As I found a way to express this finally, I thought I would put it here in the hopes that it may one day help someone else…We already know the old cliche that most of us felt… removed… set apart…  different from those around us, but what does that truly mean?


For me, it meant that there was a great sense of loneliness, as if I were perpetually trying to fit me, a square peg, into the rest of society, a round hole.  I perpetually felt as if something that had been missing were JUST out of reach…  Seconds away from my grasp and moving away each time I moved towards it…  Making me feel even MORE isolated from those around me…  I truly felt out of step to the point of feeling out of place and time.Among other things I felt, the internal argument of whether this was a curse or a gift began to roil through my heart and mind, as if I were literally on the verge of a civil war with my own being.  I remember thinking “why is this happening to me?  why can’t I just be… normal?” Though I was being taught how to handle things, this argument raged through my mind, ripping at my heart until my whole world was in a tailspin…


No matter how intellectual I was, no matter how much I learned, it was as if the words never seemed to be there to properly describe what I was going through…  Words just simply failed to fully illustrate what was raging through the very core of my being. Questions burned through my mind as to whether I was truly going through something or if it were all in my head.  Add to this, the doctors couldn’t seem to find anything other than the usual compliment of things, so there was no true way to know exactly WHAT was happening to me.  No medical/scientific explanation could be readily found.


After a couple of botched attempts, followed by laughter, harassment and the usual bullying came a deep, hesitant and always yearning question… “who can I share this with? why doesn’t anyone else feel the way I do?  why isn’t anyone else going through this?”…  Which, in its turn, added to the original sense of loneliness and being set apart…


It was becoming a vicious cycle…


WHEN I began to truly accept what was going on with me, I began to feel as if I were a new creation wearing a costume…  That costume being the old self…  Same body, different being altogether…  Which became another thing which I couldn’t discuss with anyone…  This did not, however, add to the sensation of loneliness.  Instead, it added something else.  It added a sense of a closeness to my Spiritual Path, though it was truly a separate being altogether.  I began to feel as if what I was going through was part of something…  well… grander…  As if the eyes of the Universe itself had suddenly fallen on me, watching which way I would go with this new-found sense of being part of some grand design…


Remember ladies and gentlemen, I was a 13 year old boy going through this…  For me to be set apart to this point was confusing, heart-wrenching and exhilarating all at one time…


When I finally accepted that this was what I truly was, it was almost as if this unknown weight had been lifted off my shoulders.  As if everything FINALLY began to make sense…  It has been truly a long and exhilarating journey, once I accepted this IS what I am.


I AM vampire.  I WAS born this way.  In this knowledge, no matter who doubts, scoffs or disbelieves, I am strong, secure and comfortable.

Energy, Goals and Paths.

Posted: Sunday, 1 March, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized

( Who’s distracting you from your goals, and why are you letting them?)


3/1/2015 (c) Graveyard Press

By Deacon Gray

20 years ago I had certain goals in the community. BY goals I don’t mean a status I wanted to achieve, status inside the community is an illusion, no, I had things I wanted to accomplish. Some of those goals have been met, and turned out well, some into a bad direction. Some of those goals got left behind, but the goals I resent not achieving, the most are the ones I allowed myself to be side tracked from. I have allowed myself to get drawn into the bickering, the name calling and such, but what did it serve but to make myself look childish? Was it ultimately a good use of my time?

Each day we spend a lot of time, killing time. Sure some people have more of that time than others, but we all have it, if you are on facebook you can’t really deny it.  Yet how often is pursuit of those goals put on the back burner for something silly or all out ridiculous? How often have you spent a great deal of focus and energy on some argument, or debate that really didn’t lead to any growth or development?

Recently we have seen an increase in the total amount of distractions with in the community. I find it easy to be drawn into the debates, I like to discuss things, to work past the conflict and meet resolution. My very path is based on doing exactly that, even if conflict first has to be met in order to be re-directed. Still, how much time is wasted in doing it?

Most of these conflicts we are seeing either based inside or outside the community are only holding our attention because we personally put in the energy to keep them going. We the same conflicts being ruminated over, and regurgitated on post after post, group after group, and to what end?

Ask yourself, honestly, what is your goal within your community? Did you go there to learn, to meet people, to interact with your fellow seeker, or to bicker over little things? It’s your time, how are you using it?

Consider how using your energy in this manner has helped you. Has it helped you at all? All the way around the level of respect others have for us drops as we bicker. The outsiders aren’t going anywhere simply because you gave them an energetic way to pass the evening. In the end what is gained?

If you have an agenda, someone you are targeting, or if you have enemies in the community or among those surrounding it, where is your energy really going? Is it toward you goals, or is it wasted time you won’t even remember next year?

I don’t expect everyone to get along, I know I won’t get along with everyone, I never have, but I do ask that when you find yourself engaged on day two, or even hour two over the same stupid topic, that you consider how it works toward your goals. Ask if it perhaps works toward someone’s goals that aren’t even in line with your own.

Don’t allow yourself to be distracted by contentious people, there are better things to spend your time on. I know it isn’t easy, it isn’t easy for me either, but vendetta’s just waste your time. Respect isn’t gained by being a bigger mouth, it is gained by doing bigger things, but having goals and reaching them.

My friends whether its politics, or community or any number of pursuits, there will be distractions. We will be pulled into those distractions but it is up to us to see when it is getting in our own way. There is a time to take your own path and follow it away from pointless bickering and confrontation.

Interview with a vampire!!!

Posted: Friday, 20 February, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized


This is a fiction, an advert for a book by way of a interview with a fictional vampire. Don’t take it too seriously but…if you are interested in vampire fiction…

Originally posted on Putting in a good word...:

Yes, an interview with a vampire!! IN REAL LIFE!! – as my kids would say.

I was lucky enough to ask Christopher, the vampire from Marigold Deidre Dicer’sThe Black Swan Inheritance a few questions.

First, here is a description of the novel.

‘Anita had the kind of reputation in high school no one wants to carry into adulthood, especially since she wants to be a doctor like her dad. Now at university, she is determined to be good, but one little end-of-semester celebration can’t hurt, right? Well, it can if she ends up having a one-night stand with a werewolf that triggers a dark awakening.
The Black Swan is a powerful legacy that brings both temptation and danger. Having now inherited the title and all that comes with it, Anita finds herself beset upon by ancient abominations that won’t take no for an answer.  But Anita is determined not…

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Johann Flückinger and the Vampires.

Posted: Tuesday, 17 February, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized

Originally posted on Peedeel's Blog:


Flückinger, a surgeon in the Austrian army, compiled with his fellow medical officers, a report on the terrible Vampire epidemics in Serbia. The year was 1732. The Empror of Austria, Charles VI, had ordered an investigation into the rumoured Vampire outbreaks around the Meduegna area. As a result of their findings, the group issued a detailed account of the Vampires, their activities, focusing on individual cases, including that of Arnold Paole – a man known to have had trouble with a Vampire while serving in the army in Greece, and who had been seen by many witnesses wandering at night after his death from a boken neck! Paole, it was decided, was responsible for the outbreak of vampirism.

Flückinger’s report states:

“A woman by the name of Stana, 20 years old, who had died in childbirth two months ago, after a three-day illness, and who had herself said, before her…

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Sanguisuga and the Aluga

Posted: Tuesday, 17 February, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized

Originally posted on Peedeel's Blog:


Sanguisuga is a Latin term meaning “bloodsucking” used in the Vulgate to explain a passage in Proverbs (30:15) that makes reference to a bloodsucking demon, the Aluga – an Arabic name that translates as: “Horse-leech”, or “Bloodsucking Jinn“ , and traditionally a female demon that feasted on dead babies.

The term Sanguisuga is also used in titles and texts of various eighteenth-century treatises on vampires e.g. DISERTATION ON THE BLOODSUCKING DEAD by Johann Rohl and Johann Hertel, DISSERTATIO DE CADAVERIBUS SANGUISUGA by Johann Stock.

Interestingly the Aluga in some Mediterranean sources is described as a Demonic King of the Vampires…

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Monster Monday: Estrie

Posted: Tuesday, 17 February, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized

Originally posted on Write Wrote Written:

We all know about vampires and werewolves, or at least we think we do. The legends and myths that inspired these monsters are sometimes surprisingly different, but no less chilling. In this series of posts, Monster Monday, we’ll investigate the monsters that have informed our modern notions, as well as some lesser known monsters. Today, we talk about the Estrie.

Scene from the vampire novel Carmilla Scene from the vampire novel Carmilla

An estrie is a female vampire in Jewish folklore. She generally prefers to seduce men so that she can suck their blood, but she is not overly picky in her victims. She prefers the nighttime, but it is unclear in the legends whether daylight will cause her harm.

She can appear in human form or spirit form, or as an animal, usually a bird or a cat. She is undeterred by religious iconography and can enter into holy places. She can fly if…

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Interview with Kindred

Posted: Tuesday, 17 February, 2015 by deacongray in Uncategorized


Worth a watch!!

Originally posted on Brian H Waters:

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